Saturday, July 30, 2011

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."


This week could be summed up by "extreme fatigue".  That is one of the most frustrating "post aneurysm and living with a TBI" things I find to deal with.  Monday, I got up, ate breakfast, let my dogs out, and crawled right back into bed SO thankful I had nothing that absolutely had to get done or be taken care of that day! I was just exhausted, I didn't want to talk to anyone, go anywhere or deal with anything! Ugh, by Friday I still felt this way after a week of 'good night's sleep'. If only a 'good night sleep' would fix it!!!Some days, even weeks, are inexplicably better than others. There does not always seem to be a pattern or reason for this. Some days, I wake up having a good day and some days I just wake up in a fog. I'm not going to lie, I was beginning to feel discouraged and like "nobody understands"(okay, except my fabulous friend Mer). Yup, six years later and I still struggle with it from time to time. I became irritated at any request for me to commit to do something. I just wanted to yell (but didn't), "I DON'T KNOW, IF I FEEL GOOD ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF BED THAT DAY, THEN SURE". I know, I really shouldn't feel that way, since people truly cannot understand what it is like to live inside my head. Frankly, sometimes I don't understand myself or know my own "new limits". I am thankful that God is faithful and only through His strength I am able to carry on. It is so hard when the world still goes on at its usual fast pace, leaving you to watch it fly past you, but unable to keep up! But still, I am thankful that all the fatigue and frustration means I am here, alive and a "Walking, Talking, Miracle", Thank you, Lord!! A friend posted the above video and it gave me some measure of peace and encouragement after a rough, exhausted week! I hope it does the same for you!!

"There are no words in times like these
When tears don't hide the tragedies
And all you want is a reason for the world

No comfort in the greeting card
Cause God is good
But life's still hard
and your heart just wants a reason for the world

Maybe the reason for the pain
Is so we would pray for strength
And maybe the reason for the strength
Is so that we would not lose hope
And maybe the reason for all hope
Is so that we could face the world
And the reason for the world
Is to make us long for home

For God so loved your broken heart
He sent his son to where you are
and he died
To give a reason for the world

So lift your sorrows to the one
Whose plan for you has just begun
And rests here in the hands that hold the world

Maybe the reason for the pain
Is so we would pray for strength
And maybe the reason for the strength
Is so that we would not lose hope
And maybe the reason for all hope
Is so that we could face the world
And the reason for the world
Is to make us long for home

Well I know your past the point of broken
Surrounded by your fear
I know you're feet and tired and lonely
from the road that you walked down here
But just keep your eyes on heaven
and know that you are not alone
remember the reason for the world

No ear has heard
No eye has seen
Not even in your wildest dreams
A beauty that awaits beyond this world
When you look into the eyes of grace
and hear the voice of mercy say
Child, welcome to the reason for the world" -Matthew West

4 comments:

Farmgirl said...

Gosh. I don't have words, except to say that you are so loved, and maybe you should yell once in awhile. It could be pretty therapeutic. :)

Lisa said...

haha.....maybe I will try it :-)

kernscot said...

Hi Lisa-

I feel so bad for you and your awful week. I pray for a better one for you. All our love is with you.

Nan

Margie said...

Hi Lisa~ It sure seems that neurological fatigue is a very demanding fatigue. I am glad to hear you "go with it" rather than resist it. Your brain is working very hard to repair itself and that takes years! But like you say, just that fact alone is a miracle... that you are here and under repair! :-) To us you have always been a "miracle," brain trauma or no! Love for you abounds.