Friday, April 27, 2012

Things I shouldn't admit, but I do :-)

I went shopping this afternoon.  It was a "treat" to myself, just because!  I realized it must have been years since I have actually gone shopping in the mall, the stores were in different places than I remember! Note to self: don't ask "how long have you been here.  Did your store used to be downstairs?" When the answer is.....'years ago', you wonder if you "should get out more".  I just shop online or at Target usually.  Malls are too big, music is too loud and there are infinite decisions to make! At the end of my shopping trip, I actually made a decision and went to pay for my purchase.  The cashier asked me to sign the receipt.  I asked her, "did I even scan my card yet?". She politely says I have; but I had no memory of it! This is possibly better than the time a cashier stood looking at me wondering how I was going to pay; I had no idea (thankfully my mom was with me that time and helped me figure it out!) But today, I knew it was......time to head home, :-) Of course, it wasn't until I got home that I realized that I had really wanted to get my dear friend a nice birthday card.  I made it to a store with cards in it and even made it to the card section BUT I got distracted by the "Mother's Day cards".  I wasn't exactly sure how soon that was coming, so I picked a few out for our moms.  I never did get that one card I had actually set out to get!! Oh well, it's the thought that counts, right??  So, it will probably be years before I venture to a mall again, but I had a nice, nostalgic time while it lasted!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What season is it, anyway??

I was talking to my mom on the phone tonight.  I assured her that I would have to come this summer to sort some (lots) of lingering boxes at their house.  All of the sudden, I was very confused about what season it actually was and which one was coming next.  One if the joys, of living in NY is the crazy weather.  Last week, I had to dig out shorts to be comfortable and just yesterday I needed my winter coat, hat, and mittens to go outside, without freezing, causing my left side to be weirdly spastic(note: I didn't use them all winter long it was so warm and absent of SNOW).  This whole 'seasons' thing has really confused me for some reason since my aneurysm. I don't know first I blamed it on being in the hospital for so long, now I'll blame it on the crazy unusual weather!  Crazy weather only makes this worse.  So, after promising to come this summer to sort I said, "wait, summer is the next season right, it isn't the one that just passed is it??" My mom and I had a good laugh, you probably had to be there!!! So, if you see me dressed wrong for the weather that is why, I was confused about the season! Kindly refrain from digging out your butterfly net and using it on me....hehehe!

Is it just me??

Ever feel like that frog?? I struggle with it daily!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Crash: take ‎2,628!

Horrible "crashing week" this week!  I always  think that it has been a long time since I, "crashed this bad" but then I read my blog and I realize indeed this is a very normal part of my life now! Perhaps, it is just the Grace of God that I forget so easily, otherwise, YIKES!!! I'd be left without hope! Yes,it has been 2,628 days since my aneurysm rupture! 2,628 days of wonderful days of exhaustion and crashing and EXHAUSTION!!!!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

video 3--> with music!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love this song!  I also love the name of the band....."the Strange Familiar".  I couldn't think of a better way to describe my recovery!  Check out more of their music too on their website !
a note from The Strange Familiar via facebook :
"Wow, that is an amazing story! Thank you for sharing this with us. We would be honored to have you use our song "Courage Is" in your recovery video! That truly is an inspiring message of strength, hope and Courage. Please share the final version with us :) All the best to you and your family. God Bless"

Monday, April 9, 2012

summing up the day

How do I sum up today??  TOTAL, UTTER EXHAUSTION!!! WOW!

any words of wisdom from the peanut gallery??

So, you know I just LOVE quotes.  I am obsessed with how people put words together in such meaningful ways.  So I heard this,
"It’s funny how our past frames us. How the person we used to be never lets loose of the person we are. Past failures and disappointments even victories take hold of us. They haunt us like ghosts. Or visit us like old friends." I loved it and it was exactly what I had been pondering in the last few days! I am doing a presentation on "What is a Brain Injury, Anyway??" One of the 'hot topics' in brain injury is "how has your personality changed since your injury? or do you feel like the same person?? Of course, no one can live through such an experience and not change!  So, yes, I feel like a completely different person but the essence of me is still there! Still a heart way bigger than my capacity to follow through as I wish I could! My struggles are completely different alsong with my strengths (I am still trying to figure this all out).  Sometimes, I feel like an akward teenager again, trying to figure out who you are and what you are all about!  Of course, it helps to know your sole desire is to bring God glory, no matter how many times you fail!!
May your memories "visit you like old friends"!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Life, and other mysteries

I haven't blogged in a while.  I have been on another mission, a video telling my story. Oh, and I have been "crashing" all week! Why, you ask??  Well, let me tell you!  One Saturday a month, I have to 'work' a shift at the library.  Now the shift is an hour longer to begin with, and I think everyone  was at the library this particular Saturday!  It was non stop, people and problems without an official supervisor on the desk! It was literally so busy, we couldn't even ask each other for opinions on solving the 'problems'.  I made the best of it deciding that I was just going to focus on one thing, since I know I am completely incapable of multi-tasking! So, all I did was check books out for patrons! My gracious colleagues handled answering the phones as they also checked books out.  I could just feel my brain flooding with the chaos and questions and ringing phones, and beeping computers and tired kids, and, and..................I actually recognized the panic setting in and took a deep breath and left the desk for a minute, went to the quiet, dark staff room.  I took a pill and sat down for a minute in the dark, quiet space and tried to settle my overloaded brain!! Once, I had pulled myself back together, I went back out to "face the books". I know I am harder on myself than other people are on me, but sometimes I still don't give myself enough credit, I am out there, I am trying.  I feel bad when I need "special accommodations".  Sometimes it feels like people(who determine the schedule) don't get it!  I was about one deep breath from calling my job coach with an "SOS; how do I do this"??? My gracious coworker looked over at me and asked me if I was holding up OK.  With my tight "hook hand" I assured her I was determined to be OK, we then discussed what it felt like for my brain, she says "Wow, Lisa".  At least my new beige(instead of black) hand brace (to help with remaining stroke tightness) greatly reduces the number of questions about 'what I did to my hand' because it is not quite so obvious!. So, I probably "overdid" it a bit since a week later I have not fully recovered (partly, OK fully, my fault for trying to 'carry on as usual'; I know better) Life just doesn't stop for my fatigue!

I'm trying to "learn my lesson" by staying home this weekend instead of doing what I really want to do, going to be with my family for Easter weekend! Ah, those wonderful new limits! Why are they SO hard to live by??? So Happy Easter all, may you remember the real meaning of Easter! Christ has risen from the dead to save those who would believe on Him from their sins!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Video 2

The shortest possible version :-) I had trouble reading all the words in the first one and I wrote them!!  I tried to slow it down and use less words! I hope this is easier to read?? I am still learning this program so please forgive me for all the revisions!!

"We all have excuses why
Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings
It's not how high he flies,
But the song he sings................................
It's not how many times you've been knocked down
It's how many times you get back up"-The Strange Familiar

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Video 1 PS--> I made a shorter video that is easier to read the words in too now( !
I really struggled in making this video story! First, the unfamiliar program.  I tried to figure out how to use it to begin with then, there was the lack of a built in "spell check". Ah, the sequencing thing gets me every time.  Honestly, spelling was never a strength of mine and it only got worse! Yes, I even had music but there were some copyright concerns so if I ever figure that out I will add it to ensure a flood of tears, if you are anything like me! ! Second, was the attack of my own personal insecurities and lies from the Devil himself about how nobody would want to see it anyway!  But, the still quiet voice from deep within assured me that it needed to be posted!  So here you have it! I don't feel amazing or brave, I just feel like someone God has been very merciful to, and has given unusual amounts of daily sufficient Grace, despite her own weaknesses and lies she continues to hear! So, please, no glory for this girl, it is ALL God's grace and none of Lisa! Thank you for loving me enough to watch my feeble attempts at recovery; physically, emotionally, and spiritually!!! Have a wonderful "holy week" as we lay our burdens at the foot of the cross!