Monday, April 18, 2011

just rambling about today!!

I'm totally "fried" tonight. Why do I insist on stuffing "so much" in one day(an appointment, stopping for gas, stopping for a bridal shower gift, picking up a few groceries, still too much for this broken brain). I know it will only end in utter exhaustion and 'meltdowns'! Ironically, my neurologist sent me to a therapist to see if that would help any. While it has helped work through some things it is still exhausting to talk to people in general. So today I was educating the psychologist on living with TBI (then promptly left the office and did too much, hello). The therapist was shocked to realize how much he just takes for granted. You see, even 6 years later I still have to think about each little step that 'normal' people can just do without thinking! As I have said before, this is exhausting but I still insist on over doing it, why???. Perhaps the doctors are right, I have not accepted my limitations yet, you'd think six years would be enough time :-) While trying to help me explore ways of eliminating that fatigue, the poor therapist didn't get very far.....everything is exhausting! With help, it would be less exhausting as long as I don't have to talk while doing it! Together, we couldn't find anything that didn't require making decisions or language processing. I was glad it wasn't just me having trouble finding something truly 'relaxing'. Listening to classical music was about all we could come up with. Now, the trick is to be disciplined enough to put down the 'to do' list and actually enjoy 'doing nothing'. I am terrible at this, I gotta learn to be better at it without feeling 'guilty'. Then, on my way home the main road is suddenly closed (a was fireman directing traffic down a road unfamiliar to me). I thought I was doing so well to calmly pull off the road and dig out my GPS (something that would not have occurred to me years ago) . The GPS, insisted on taking me in a circle and back out to the road that was closed. Too tired to fight with it, I just kept driving. Fortunately, I recognized a school I used to substitute teach in and found my way home! I'm still not sure why the entire road was closed down, maybe it was just a test...hehe! Yay, for making it home!

Monday, April 11, 2011


Happy 30th birthday to one of my dearest friends, Jessie. "Many people will walk in and out of your life, But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart." While most people dread 30, life made me thankful to still be here to turn 30! So, here is to being thankful we are "getting old". Hope your 30th is the best yet! I am proud of you, friend! Above: Us at 16 or maybe 18 :-)

Us now.....years later and still friends!! <-->

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Laura Story : Blessings

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise.
-Blessings by Laura Story-

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

"Gifts from the Broken Jar"

In her book, "Gifts from the Broken Jar", PJ Long tells a story she heard while in India about a village boy who brought water to a wealthy man. "Every day he walked several miles from the village to the river and back again, carrying water in two clay jars, one in his left hand and one in his right. The man paid for the water that was delivered- one full jar and one half full, for the jar in one hand was cracked and its water leaked out along the roadside. Over the long months, the boy made many trips carrying water.
One day he sat to rest before returning to the river, and a spirit in the cracked jar spoke to him. 'I am sorry, Master, that you have to work harder because of me. If I were perfect like your other jar, you wouldn't need to take so many trips. And you could collect more money, too. I am sorry that because of me your life is made miserable.'
The boy was surprised to hear such words. He did not think his life was miserable. He replied to the spirit, ' Because of you , I am very lucky. A broken jart makes my life beautiful. Come, let me show you.'
Together they walked back to the river. One side of the path was bare and dusty. But along the other side, where water had trickled down from the broken jar, the way was strewn with wild flowers." -Gifts from the Broken Jar by PJ Long-

My other favorite wilfd flower "story" goes like this........"I must tell you a great truth, Much-Afraid, which only the few understand. All the fairest beauties in the human soul, its greatest victories, and its most splendid achievements are always those which no one else knows anything about or can only dimly guess at.......Some of my servants have indeed won great visible victories and are rightly loved and reverenced by other men, but always their greatest victories are like wild flowers, those which no one knows about. Learn this lesson here in the valley, Much-Afraid, and when you get to the steep places of the mountains it will comfort you" -Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard-

Monday, April 4, 2011

A Little Perspective, Please :-)

When you live in an exhausted state every day, the next 'meltdown' is always right around the corner! I got a migraine aura last Tuesday, so I spent the day in a quiet, dark room trying to sleep, since that is all that helps. With that being said, it still totally wipes me out for several days! I pushed myself and went to work on Wednesday morning, since budget cuts have already left circulation without needed help. I mostly rested Thursday and Friday, only doing what was absolutely necessary. Saturday, was my Saturday to work (just 11am-4pm). This is an hour longer than my usual shift and Saturday is especially busy. I was given necessary Grace and survived the craziness. After a nap, Nate called and wanted me to meet him for dinner at a good friend's house. After a wonderful dinner, I was following him home. As we were almost home, there was a cop with his lights on and two cars pulled off on both sides of the road. Cautiously driving past them I noticed a deer laying quietly in the ditch, and I knew it must have been badly wounded. Just as I drive past I hear a bang (gun shot). I know it is the humane thing to do and I have no moral objection to putting it out of its misery. Still, I am feeling pretty sad about the deer. Now, if you know me you know that my father and husband are both avid hunters and even enjoy displaying their trophies on the wall (yes, my living room walls have three deer heads on them). I am not particularly fond of them but I really love my husband!So, you would think that I would not be so affected by what I heard and imagined just happened to that wounded deer. It doesn't matter, I am a softy and I was very bothered by this situation. Nate, always the rational, practical one, reminds me of my silliness. I went to bed that night, honestly, a little sad about the deer. At about midnight, Nate woke me up to ask me the first name of someone in our church. I don't wake up quickly and couldn't come up with a first name. A bit annoyed, I ask "why". He said someone was killed at an intersection a few miles from our house. Suddenly, that silly deer was truly not such a big deal! Please join me in praying for the Murphy family. A father is left behind with two teenage sons(14 &17yrs), one of them(14)is currently fighting for his life at Albany Med. Please pray for healing and peace for their family during this difficult time! My heart is very heavy for everyone involved! There has not been one day in the last 6 years that I haven't thought about being ready in case today is your last. This just made it very real again, and even this "walking, talking miracle" has to be reminded that God is in control and we will be on this earth the exact number of days God has ordained for us!