Monday, April 18, 2011
just rambling about today!!
I'm totally "fried" tonight. Why do I insist on stuffing "so much" in one day(an appointment, stopping for gas, stopping for a bridal shower gift, picking up a few groceries, still too much for this broken brain). I know it will only end in utter exhaustion and 'meltdowns'! Ironically, my neurologist sent me to a therapist to see if that would help any. While it has helped work through some things it is still exhausting to talk to people in general. So today I was educating the psychologist on living with TBI (then promptly left the office and did too much, hello). The therapist was shocked to realize how much he just takes for granted. You see, even 6 years later I still have to think about each little step that 'normal' people can just do without thinking! As I have said before, this is exhausting but I still insist on over doing it, why???. Perhaps the doctors are right, I have not accepted my limitations yet, you'd think six years would be enough time :-) While trying to help me explore ways of eliminating that fatigue, the poor therapist didn't get very far.....everything is exhausting! With help, it would be less exhausting as long as I don't have to talk while doing it! Together, we couldn't find anything that didn't require making decisions or language processing. I was glad it wasn't just me having trouble finding something truly 'relaxing'. Listening to classical music was about all we could come up with. Now, the trick is to be disciplined enough to put down the 'to do' list and actually enjoy 'doing nothing'. I am terrible at this, I gotta learn to be better at it without feeling 'guilty'. Then, on my way home the main road is suddenly closed (a was fireman directing traffic down a road unfamiliar to me). I thought I was doing so well to calmly pull off the road and dig out my GPS (something that would not have occurred to me years ago) . The GPS, insisted on taking me in a circle and back out to the road that was closed. Too tired to fight with it, I just kept driving. Fortunately, I recognized a school I used to substitute teach in and found my way home! I'm still not sure why the entire road was closed down, maybe it was just a test...hehe! Yay, for making it home!