Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Light at the end of the tunnel

We were blessed by going on vacation with our dear friends to the Outer Banks last week. To get there we had to go through the Chesapeake Bay tunnel. As we were driving through this analogy came to mind. I almost feel like the last five years (since my aneurysm) have been spent living in this figurative tunnel. It feels dark and scary sometimes and you have no choice but to go through it or drown. You see, for five years much of my emotion has been stripped away making me feel like I just exist! It is only recently that some of the "normal" human emotions and feelings have returned without just pretending they are there, because I knew they should have been. But now, after living without them, how does one handle or deal with them appropriately without a great deal of anxiety? It seems like doctors just say "this is normal" and try to throw another pill at me. I want someone to teach me again how to deal with it without having a meltdown! Now part of my problem, I understand, is that parts of my brain have literally died from the blood irritation after rupture so other parts have to take over functions they normally would not be designed to do. But I act so "normal", right? Ah, the inner workings of the brain :) So, for now, I am thankful for each new day I am given no matter how well I deal with its contents!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

New 'Normals'

Okay, I admit, I am not good at change, adjusting, going with the flow; whatever you call it, I am not good at handling it. You know what I mean; so accepting 'new normals' in life has and is a struggle from time to time. My sister just had a baby boy (Brody DeWayne Owen Darnell)....Where I really want to be is there with my family meeting little Brody. Before my aneurysm ruptured, I would have just driven there (3 hours each way) and met him, then come home, packed, and headed on vacation with Nate and our good family friends. I can no longer physically or mentally do that. I need days (yup days) to pack and would need a week to recover from a trip like that! So I am VERY VERY thankful that I am here and will eventually get to meet him while at the same time still feeling a little sad that I can't fit it all in as I would like! So welcome to the world Brody, I can't wait to meet you!