Friday, April 6, 2012

Life, and other mysteries

I haven't blogged in a while.  I have been on another mission, a video telling my story. Oh, and I have been "crashing" all week! Why, you ask??  Well, let me tell you!  One Saturday a month, I have to 'work' a shift at the library.  Now the shift is an hour longer to begin with, and I think everyone  was at the library this particular Saturday!  It was non stop, people and problems without an official supervisor on the desk! It was literally so busy, we couldn't even ask each other for opinions on solving the 'problems'.  I made the best of it deciding that I was just going to focus on one thing, since I know I am completely incapable of multi-tasking! So, all I did was check books out for patrons! My gracious colleagues handled answering the phones as they also checked books out.  I could just feel my brain flooding with the chaos and questions and ringing phones, and beeping computers and tired kids, and, and..................I actually recognized the panic setting in and took a deep breath and left the desk for a minute, went to the quiet, dark staff room.  I took a pill and sat down for a minute in the dark, quiet space and tried to settle my overloaded brain!! Once, I had pulled myself back together, I went back out to "face the books". I know I am harder on myself than other people are on me, but sometimes I still don't give myself enough credit, I am out there, I am trying.  I feel bad when I need "special accommodations".  Sometimes it feels like people(who determine the schedule) don't get it!  I was about one deep breath from calling my job coach with an "SOS; how do I do this"??? My gracious coworker looked over at me and asked me if I was holding up OK.  With my tight "hook hand" I assured her I was determined to be OK, we then discussed what it felt like for my brain, she says "Wow, Lisa".  At least my new beige(instead of black) hand brace (to help with remaining stroke tightness) greatly reduces the number of questions about 'what I did to my hand' because it is not quite so obvious!. So, I probably "overdid" it a bit since a week later I have not fully recovered (partly, OK fully, my fault for trying to 'carry on as usual'; I know better) Life just doesn't stop for my fatigue!

I'm trying to "learn my lesson" by staying home this weekend instead of doing what I really want to do, going to be with my family for Easter weekend! Ah, those wonderful new limits! Why are they SO hard to live by??? So Happy Easter all, may you remember the real meaning of Easter! Christ has risen from the dead to save those who would believe on Him from their sins!

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