I do not believe in "what if". I believe in a sovereign God that directs everything exactly as it is supposed to be, even if we don't understand. But, I am only human and from time to time the enormity of what I have lived through just hits me and I admit that the thought, "what if I missed this" creeps in. I have learned not to dwell on this thought but to simply appreciate it for what it is, just a thought. Dwelling on it only brings on intense fear and sadness. While visiting my sister and her family, this thought crept in. I thanked God that I have the opportunity to get to know my beautiful niece and nephew and be a small part of their lives!