Just a few thoughts................

This weekend I attended a women's conference at our church. I just had to share one of the stories our speaker told about being a newlywed and missionary. About 6 months after getting married she and her husband were called to the mission field in South America (Columbia). A few years later she returned to the United States to attend a family gathering. Traveling home with an 18 month old and pregnant with her second child was no easy task. While at home she got a stomach bug. Unable to travel back to South America in that condition she stayed behind for a few extra days while her husband returned to the mission field. When she was strong enough to return she found herself at the airport with a small child in tow. In a last moment of weakness, she recalls finding a phone and calling her mom. "Mom, I can't do this, I just can't go back. It is too hard, I don't know the language and it is just going to be too hard to go back there, if I go back I am just know I am going to die". Her mother's response went something like this "You have to go back. You may die but you can't disobey God! Your father is going to meet you at the airport, his plane should just be getting in." Moments later, her father finds her, "Daddy" she says, "I just can't go back there, it is just too hard". Her father picked up the child, set her in the stroller and began walking to the gate where his daughter and granddaughter were to depart from. She went and God blessed her obedience relaying that if she hadn't gone she would not have been standing there encouraging hundreds of women. What struck me most about her story was her parents steadfast, determined response to their daughter's plea. Talk about "tough love", I know it wasn't easy for them to send her back, but they did anyway.


This morning I woke up utterly exhausted from a busy weekend and the new time change. I knew I had a doctor appointment in the afternoon that I really shouldn't cancel last minute so I dragged myself out of bed. As I wiped the sleep buggers from my eyes my heart muttered, "I just can't do it today, it is just too hard". To add to the confusion, our house is upside down in preparation for new rugs on Saturday! YAY for a wonderful hubby that thinks ahead! So, our mattress is on the floor. There is no nightstand to put my glasses on so I can find them the next morning and my dresser is in the dining area. So, I just have to hope I grabbed everything I need to get dressed or I risk having to run back out to the dining room for the necessary items. After a few trips back and forth, I knew I needed to refocus. I sat down to eat breakfast and do my devotions. You know what I read about? I'll tell you; worried disciples who thought the waves were going to kill them. Do you know that my heart was STILL muttering, "I'm just so tired, I don't think I can do this today". You know what the answer was "of course YOU can't, but with ME you can, oh you of little faith". So I prayed for Grace to sustain me through the rest of the day, safety as I traveled and wisdom in making decisions. I did indeed make it though the day and even got a good doctor report! Thank you Lord!

For the Beauty of the Earth.........

For the glory of the skies

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies

Lord of all to thee we raise, this our hymn of grateful praise..................

Amen

March Fourth

As my good friend Judy reminded me on her blog today's date is also a command! So, here is to "marching (fourth) forth".

I am reading a book called "My Life in Spite of Me" by Kristen Anderson. She tells her story of struggling with depression to the point of laying on train tracks to "end it all" one night! Of course God had other plans for her life and she lost her legs instead of her life. Two things have really stood out to me about her story. First, she could not remember how she got on those tracks that night. She wrestled with the possibility that she indeed had tried to commit suicide but didn't want to think that she would actually try to take her own life. Throughout the beginning of her book she describes "trying to remember" and how much she needed to know how she ended up there. It brought me back to my initial stay at Sunnyview Rehabilitation Hospital and I felt exactly the opposite about remembering how I 'got there'. I was scared silly at the thought of going to a 'neuro psychologist'. I thought for sure they were going to try to get me to remember the rupture and car accident. I was scared that they might be able to get me to remember it, I didn't want to know! Of course, my circumstances were very different from Kristen's but I love what one wise counselor told her, "God protects us from these memories until He knows we are ready for them and he is ready to use them for His glory!" I am still being protected from the exact detail of my trial while Kristen was able to remember she made a choice and worked through dealing with that. And I have since learned that 'neuro psychologists' mostly do testing to see just how much you have lost and tell you "you have a brain injury" then leave it to others to help you deal with what that means. I am thankful God has protected me from those memories and is dealing with other aspects in my life for now!

The other question Kristen deals with in her book is one that I did not. She describes going to church her whole life but not truly knowing if she would go to heaven when she died. At first, she thought that 'of course she would have gone to heaven, she was a good person'. She wrestled with truly not knowing for sure where she would have gone if she had died. I can't imagine having to deal with that question after such a traumatic experience. So I ask you, do you know for sure where you are going when you die? I'll tell you how I know. I know that I am a sinner,the Bible says, "all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God"( Romans 3:23) My sin separated me from God(the wages of Sin is death: Romans 6:23). Jesus died on the cross so that those who confess their sin and put their trust in Him and Him alone will be saved; covered in His blood and pardoned before God, our creator(John 14:6). There is no other way my friend! I once had a young girl come up to me and say, "How can you still go to church after what happened to you? Aren't you mad at God? I can honestly say I was never mad at God for allowing this in my life. I always knew he had a reason for it whether I find out what it is in this life or in heaven some day. This does not mean that I never struggle over living each day inside my own head. It doesn't mean I am never sad or frustrated by circumstances. It doesn't even mean that I have no fears or anxiety to conquer. It simply means that I know God is using me even when I don't see it or know it. I even see a therapist to help me work through some of my specific struggles. I am not particularly proud of this and it is yet another humbling exercise for me. I only tell you this because I appreciate other people's 'transparent honesty' and am encouraged by learning how other people "deal with things". So "march forth" my friends.......MARCH (FOURTH)FORTH!
~a blessed girl~

Ice, Ice Baby :)

This winter the whole Northeast seems to be covered in ice, I 'm sure the weekly snow storms don't help. To make a long, boring story short I have slipped and fallen on the ice twice this winter. I can't even remember ever slipping and falling on ice before, perhaps those are some of the memories that have been erased along the way! Anyway, yesterday as I am off to the doctor for my yearly physical I stepped out on our deck and didn't notice the thin layer of ice covering it. I took on step toward the stairs leading to the driveway and "BAM" total wipe out. Both times I have fallen this year the Lord has protected me from hitting my head. I will take the bruises any day over hitting my head! Even the thought terrifies me! I regained my composure and called Nate moral support. He, of course, got me to smile and off I went to the doctor. My appointment was at 2:45 and I sat until about 4 until I asked if I was forgotten about. by 4:45 I was at least out of the waiting room and in an exam room.

I thought it would be worth mentioning my spills on the ice this year. My doctor's response surprised me. It went something like.....well, I'm not surprised. Then something about the muscles not sending the right messages to the brain to help me' catch myself' due to the paralysis from years ago and lingering spasms from time to time. I had no idea. I thought she was just going to say 'Lisa, everyone slips and falls on the ice'. She suggested some 'ice climber clips' that would snap on to my shoes and allow me traction on the ice. Of course, my first thought was "great, another thing to think about every time I leave the house"! My friend at work teased my resistance to the ice clips by saying "what, you don't want to be an 80 year old women?" I appreciate her sense of humor!!!! So anyway, whether or not it has anything to really do with brain injury it is a way better excuse than what is likely the truth, I am an uncoordinated klutz :) I think I'll stick with the aneurysm excuse and be thankful I didn't hit my head!

On the bright side....the ice makes for some very nice photo opportunities.......

Just trying Picasa photo editor

6 YEARS

Today marks 6 years since my aneurysm ruptured. More reflections to come after snow is shoveled!
Okay, So just got finished shoveling my stairs, a path to the door, and back part of the deck for the dogs. Then, I caved to the tight neck muscles and came inside to do laundry and sort my bathroom linen closet (after a nap, of course). I had a nice rest and moved on to my projects when I hear a little knock on my door. Thankfully, I have the presence of mind to grab some "real clothes" instead of answering the door in my long johns (progress from early recovery days, when I would not have even realized). At my door I find my favorite neighbor kids, armed with shovels, asking if they could shovel my deck. Of course, I totally 'let them' if they promised they would have hot chocolate and cookies with me after they were finished! Little Adam even laid on his belly and scraped in between the rungs on the railing while Jackie removed large amounts of snow, I was SO impressed AND THANKFUL for their help. It totally made my day! Even while shoveling snow I was so thankful I was here, alive and able, to shovel snow.
Of course, shoveling gives you lots of time to think and reflect on life. So, with the power lines humming in the distance, I had lots of time to think. I couldn't help but remember the sermon I heard Sunday. The 'pastor' relayed a story about experiencing "culture shock" after moving to a foreign country as a teenager. He recalled longing for something familiar. He scanned TV channels in hopes of finding someone speaking English or a glimpse of a culture he was familiar with. I could kind of relate to his story. I remember my feeling like a stranger to the world I now lived in. Of course, I was in a 'drug induced state of acceptance'. I'm not sure I even knew what I longed for. I just wanted life to go back to the way I remembered it!! A world where an aneurysm rupture was practically statistically impossible(given my age,non smoker, not over weight, and no family history), a world where the right middle cerebral artery was just another artery in my head, vasospasm was just a funny word, and where Heparin just sounded like a famous actress. A world where my left arm and hand weren't paralyzed and I knew how to walk without help. I think that over the last 6 years I now only faintly remember what life "used to be like". I am so thankful I married a man who has lived up to his vows and has stayed with me in sickness and in health. I love that I have family still who love and support me and friends who forgive my faults and love me anyway! What a truly blessed life I still have, I'm so thankful that 'world' never changed!! I am still learning that my limits are much different than they used to be or what people expect they should be after 6 years of recovery time. My neurosurgeons are still astounded at God's mercy on me (although they won't say it that way). When I question my continued, constant fatigue they can't believe that is my biggest complaint. The surgeon who is now assigned to my case and who worked on surgery 2 &3 says he would not expect me to be living a "fairly normal life". Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!
Thank you for sharing in my journey!
-a blessed girl-

Another Miracle Story!

Since this is a blog dedicated to God's unusual Providences; miracles, I thought I would share a recent one. I have known 'AG' since I was in junior high. She moved with her family to a small upstate NY town. They attended the church I grew up in. AG was the same age as my sister and she had a brother my age. Anyway, she now lives in the Albany area and even though our paths don't cross much our families remain very good friends. They were there at the hospital with me encouraging us along the whole journey! So, there is the history to precede my story.
AG was expecting her second child, a little girl, in the beginning of January. Close to her due date she came down with a terrible stomach virus and was put in Albany Med. for dehydration. Somewhere along the way contractions started. They stalled, and Pitocin was given. Still not working, the baby was in distress and AG was taken to have an emergency C-section. Her baby girl was born and all we knew was "AG had lost a lot of blood and was receiving blood transfusions". No need to worry we all thought! AG's family was sent home to "get some sleep". At about 8pm that same night my mom called me and said "Lis, I have some news and it's not good, have you heard about AG??" I informed her that on facebook it said she was having blood transfusions and was expected to be fine. "I know what it says but she has been intubated and it doesn't look good, please just pray for her, ok" I immediately started to pray and called a few people to join me. I have to admit that I did need a Xanax that night to fall asleep. In the morning her brother posted this explanation....... "Just as background for everyone. Amy had Courtney yesterday at 11:40 am through c-section. Due to a uterine complication, Amy began to bleed significantly. Sadly she was awake during this and was aware that she was dying. The do...ctors instituted a "massive transfusion protocol" where blood and other bodily fluids were introduced since she was bleeding out. The additional fluids overwhelmed her heart and resulted in pulmonary adema (too much fluid in the lungs). In order to get her to breathe, she was intubated.Currently, they are running her body for her since most essential body functions shut down. She continues to receive fluids and medications to regulate her heartbeat, breathing, blood pressure and other functions. She currently is going through a CAT scan because of more abdominal pain. We'll know more soon." While visiting AG and her mom at Albany Med several days later, after a neurology appointment that I had, I was told that AG actually 'left us' for a few moments and they even coded her. The Lord had other plan for her and this story has a happy ending. Through divine intervention and skilled surgeons AG is still with us today.
I gotta tell you, we miracles get all the credit but it was really hard to be "on the other side of that hospital bed". Our poor families/friends probably have more stories than we can even image. They too are the heroes of the story. Waiting and clinging to hope and belief that God has it all under control. It was really hard to be "the one in the waiting room"! My sister told me how they slept on concrete floors in the waiting room while I was in ICU, almost 6 years ago now!

* please note that while some of my details may be a little off the main point is......GOD worked a miracle and we are all so very thankful*

Okay, now it is your turn........tell me your story. How did God work out the details of you being alive when medical professionals say 'you shouldn't be'????