summer conspires against me!

I think the entire summer has conspired against me this week and planned a cruel joke to all hit me at once! I am exhausted and in a mental  fog this week.   I had several "good weeks" this summer.  I know that it always means, I will pay with several "bad ones", yet I still find myself asking Nate, "do you think I am going to be OK?".  He reminds me again and again of how busy our lives have been and how well I have done through it.  I believe him, but I still ask "am I okay?" Poor Nate! Today, I went to work, talked as little as humanly possible, and drove straight home knowing that one stop, even for milk, would be too much! I pulled up to the mailbox to get the mail.  I misjudged the distance and yes, now I can add another gouge to my poor Jeep.  It balances out the large dent made when I backed into the retaining wall! Both are on the left side of my vehicle further proving the doctor's theory of remaining "left side inattention"(caused by the massive rupture in my right side, it is like my brain 'forgets' my left side still exists, weird!).  I'd take a picture for you but I am still too upset at myself to laugh about it now! I am thankful for a gracious husband who takes it stride and jokes with me "now you really aren't getting a BMW * ".  I am just adding "character" to my beloved Jeep! Maybe when I feel more like a human and less like a zombie I will laugh about it (and if you are really lucky I'll even post a picture or two....)!
The other 'strange' reaction to this "crashing", as we like to call it, is that the bight sunshine makes me physically ill!  Dealing with lights/sun is always an issue for me and you will see me wearing sunglasses even when it is raining, or dusk.  When I have these "at the end of my rope" days, It makes me sick to my stomach and increases my anxiety level to have to go outside in this sunshine! I hate to admit it but I just stay inside with my curtains closed to avoid dealing with all that 'bright'. Don't even get me started about how hard it is to drive with all the blaring reflections of car windows and mirrors, it literally induces a panic attack!
* a BMW would NOT have caught on the mailbox, it would have nicely fit right under it....hehehe

I think, I think too much.............

Last night Nate and I watched " The Curious Case of Benjamin Button".  It looked like a cute 'date' movie with an interesting plot.  A man is born old and grows young while the rest of the world grows old.  He, of course, falls in love with a girl.  When they are in their late 30s/early 40s they have 'met in the middle' with their age and have a child.  The child is born 'normal' but the man decides that the women he loves can't raise a child and a 'man child' alone so he leaves her well taken care of ($), then he leaves her to find a new life without him.  When she is old and the child is grown, this 'man child' is found.  Her name is written all over his journal so police 'return him' to her for care.  He is now a child suffering from dementia.  She cares for him as he forgets how to walk and talk and becomes a helpless infant, then he dies in her arms. WOW, it was written so well, but very hard to follow! I however, have never been a 'good movie watcher'.  I always get WAY to emotionally involved so naturally by the end of the movie I am balling my eyes out while trying hard to regain control.  Yes, as a child I once almost hyperventilated after watching 'Where the Red Fern Grows'.  There was the 'Deep Impact' fiasco in high school. Then, there was the "Message in a Bottle" episode in college!  This is why I tend to avoid watching movies in public or with people I want to see again but sometimes it is just unavoidable, ya know?!! So, this movie wasn't THAT bad but, it did keep me up at night.  I could kind of relate to the character 'Benjamin Button'.  After my aneurysm, I felt like I was a 90 year old women still in a body that looked like a 25 year old (minus all the stroke problems).  However, I was also really mad that 'I was treated like a child'. I was aware of being treated like a child but not aware that I was also acting like one too at times.  I literally walked up stairs like a small child right foot, left foot landing on the same stair as I went up.  So, hours of therapy were devoted to learning how to alternate feet.  Of course, there was the constant 'Lisa, look both ways before crossing the street?', 'Did you remember to eat lunch?' Ah, the memories started flooding back...and then, the tears.  So watch it if you dare, it was a good movie,but don't say I did warn you :-)

Outer Banks vacation highlights!

 Our friends are more gracious than I can even begin to explain.  They invite us on vacation with them to the Outer Banks each year, for several years now.  I would think they would get sick of us, but they just keep inviting us. We treasure our time and memories with them and their three children! Here are some highlights of our trip, Nate even talked me into para sailing and I had a blast!                                   

tired 'stroke hand'

Pirate girl?? Me???

Para sailing with Nate

SO MUCH FUN!!

I think they posed just for me :-)

this picture captures our personalities and is 'SO US'

Learning to Dance in the Rain Movie

Learning to Dance in the Rain Movie: It almost sounds too simple to feel important, but one word... gratitude, can change your attitude, and thus your life, forever. Sarah Breathnach said it best... When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present... We experience heaven on earth.

Not by chance!

While at the library today, I was scanning out books when I noticed a book I had wanted to read, but forgotten about until seeing it.   I mentioned this to the patron in front of me.  It sparked a conversation about TBI.  We exchanged blog addresses and had a wonderful chat.  I went home and changed my clothes to comfy ones and the slip of paper with the blog address fell out.  I was thankful for the reminder, turned on my computer and checked out the blog.  As I read the story of the 'S' family, I realized that Nate and I had prayed fervently for this family since we have mutual friends!  I remember checking for updates on facebook for months because of my connection with TBI and neuro rehabilitation.  I love meeting people like that! It is times like this when I am glad I have a very limited filter on my brain and just say things that I am thinking out loud!  This problem does not always work to my advantage, as you can imagine! So, if you are reading this, it was nice to meet you in person.  I am thankful for the encouragement of several answered prayers!! Keep up the good work....recovery is S.L.O.W but by God's Grace, we will help each other along the way!!

Counting my blessings!

"Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears. Count your full years instead of your lean; Count your kind deeds instead of your mean. Count your health instead of your wealth; Count on God instead of yourself." - Author Unknown

I learned how to add a link!!!!

My friend Kristina helped me figure out how to add a link on the blog so here I go, there is no stopping me now!!!. I'm going to try it!  She makes these really cute wristlets! Check them out, click here !!!

A misplaced dinner??

This is for you "brain injury/survivors" out there and the rest of you amused by the things I admit to doing these days!
Yesterday, I actually thought about getting something out for dinner. I went to the basement and pulled out some ground beef for burgers! While there, I was distracted by laundry and set the meat on the dryer while I situated the laundry. I went back upstairs not even realizing what I went down there for in the first place! Of course, when it came time for dinner "I could have sworn I got meat out" but where did I put it??? Seriously, where would I have put it???? I see my note reminding myself I have laundry downstairs (from earlier that day). So, I ran down to switch it, since I couldn't find dinner anyway!!!!!!!!!! There it was, right where I left it on the dryer and......it was thawed thanks to the heat of the dryer, so it all worked out in the end :-)
After a BBQ dinner, I went to open something and needed scissors. They were not in 'their spot' in my drawer. So annoyed, I ask Nate why he keeps moving my scissors. He looks up at me with a smirk and says, "Lis, I haven't used those scissors in 2 years." It is me that keeps moving them on myself......lol! So there you have it, a 'normal' evening at our house!