When it rains it pours, the anchor holds

This post started out as simply "when it rains it pours!"  It was pouring when I started writing and the surgery line in my head ached!!  Summers since my aneurysm have held their own unique challenges! Mostly it is just their tendency to be BUSY! The library, usually the highlight of my week, is transformed into a "zoo" with reading programs and children off from school.  Weekends are twice as busy and required a hour longer shift from me. Despite my plea that it was too busy for me, I had to "suck it up" and go on, taking more frequent breaks whether the work allowed me to or not! Then there was vacations that needed to be covered and a scheduling nightmare for me! It always brought back the feeling of being inadequate and guilt for not being able to help as much as I'd like!  It frustrated me that, even in high school,  I remember working 40 hour weeks during the summer and tolerated it just fine!  Oh, the black cloud of guilt, summer seemed to magnify. Leadership at my current work changed this year and my faint voice was graciously heard.  It has made a tremendous impact to be off the desk where the busy pace was only exaggerating my fatigue and overall brain overload.  But, I loved it and it made me feel like I had a "real job" and was regaining some part of my lost self so I just tried to keep going in my overloaded state; often crashing on the ones who deserved it least when I just couldn't hold it together any longer! The Lord's gracious provision in this area has helped me survive this year's struggles.  It began early  this year as a dear friend lost a child to an aggressive brain cancer. It continued with various extended family members struggling with aggressive cancer, hip replacements, knee replacements and elderly grandparents! Even the littlest things like selling my old, beloved Jeep and deciding how to replace it seemed too much to process. July proved to be a very "off month" for me. I felt constantly behind (even late to things, totally unlike me) and disorganized in the busy, busy, busy!! August came, I braced myself.  As it was in July, August had every weekend packed with activity! Then, the same week my hubby was put on a seemingly impossible project at work, his mom went back into the hospital with an infection in her newly replaced knee.  It had the potential to be very serious! And the storm raged on!! My earthly vessel tossed and my nerves tested!

Now if you know me you know me, I get rather "obsessed" or "fixated" on things now! For awhile, it was clouds and their "silver linings." This summer it is "anchors" as in boat!! Maybe because my hubby teases me that I am his anchor. I think he just means, in a loving way, that I hold him back from doing all the crazy or dangerous things he would like to! I'm okay with that! When we sold my Jeep I asked hubby to drive with me one last time to the sight of my accident when my aneurysm ruptured.  I needed a picture of me with my Jeep right there and then I could move forward! The only phrase in my head was, "the anchor holds." So, like any good Elementary Education major, I dug through my drawers and found an "anchor" T Shirt I bought for an ocean theme party for my nephew a few years ago!  As I thought about the last 9.5 years I thought it could be summed up by this, "the anchor holds."  I even bought an "Alex and Ani" look-a-like bracelet that had an anchor on it. The charm said "strength, refuse to sink." I liked the sentiment, refuse to let life's burdens weigh you down, leaving you unable to move! Then, I googled the words "the anchor holds" because I couldn't remember exactly where they came from.  It was a song arranged by Ray Boltz that I had probably heard often growing up. The lyrics go like this.....

I have journeyed
Through the long, dark night
Out on the open sea

By faith alone

Sight unknown
And yet His eyes were watching me

The anchor holds
Though the ship is battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn

I have fallen on my knees
As I faced the raging seas
The anchor holds

In spite of the storm

I've had visions
I've had dreams

I've even held them in my hand

But I never knew
They would slip right through
Like they were only grains of sand

The anchor holds
Though the ship is battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn

I have fallen on my knees
As I faced the raging seas
The anchor holds

In spite of the storm

I have been young
But I am older now

And there has been beauty
These eyes have seen

But it was in the night

Through the storms of my life
Oh, that's where God proved
His love to me

The anchor holds
Though the ship's been battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn

I have fallen on my knees
As I faced the raging seas
The anchor holds
In spite of the storm

I have fallen on my knees
As I faced the raging seas
The anchor holds
In spite of the storm

So then, in usual "Lisa fashion," I pondered and over pondered , the concept of an anchor and this is what I came up with.  If the anchor doesn't sink deep into the depth of the ocean it does nothing to keep the boat from floating off, far out to sea seemingly lost forever! Perhaps these dark trying times that allow us to see the depth of sorrow are the anchors that hold us from drifting forever out to sea?? That makes "refusing to sink" a worthless motto so I'm going to stick with the gist of the charm and refuse to let the trials of life bring me down! I will, instead, remember Jesus words to his disciples in the raging storm, when they feared their life; And he said to them, "Why are you afraid, you of little faith?"  Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea and there was a great calm." We don't have to sink, we have One who has done that for us! Hold on tight little, tossed boat! Have faith!

This weekend I "taught" my nephew how to hold my hands and propel up my legs to flip over!  He watched his sister do it.  I could tell it looked fun to him,  but he still wasn't sure. This is what popped into my head.  Our Heavenly Father may ask us to climb some pretty "steep mountains" as he holds our hands promising not to drop us.  At the top of the climb our lives may do a complete flip but God never lets go and we will eventually land  on our feet again if we don't let go of Him!!.  It may take us some time to readjust from being flipped upside down, and that's okay. My nephew is still unsure about the whole flipping over thing but he humors me so I could get pictures for my blog!

Big sister shows him how it is done!

but it was now or never for a picture!

Yes, I'm still in PJ's

 And, there you have it.  My random, disjointed thoughts and musings!