Thursday, August 7, 2014

I unearthed a post looking for another draft..................

Here is my confession for today!  I dread "the struggles" that will come.  I like a safe, happy plan with a happy ending, every time!!! I will only read a book if I am promised it ends happy, without death or separation!! I'll confess I am the one who reads the end of the book before even beginning it, pathetic right?  Sometimes I even speed read right through the climax until things are resolved then I begin reading to understand again.  If you have ever watched a movie with me, I have undoubtedly cried in it.  I probably even cried when nobody else did and I probaly cried for longer than was actually "socially appropriate." It was always so embarassing to me when being the loving, sensitive person that I am couldn't even talk/will my ashamed, embarassed self to not cry to begin with.  Then I would replay the upsetting senerio in my head over and over again, which only led to more crying! Okay, you get the point! Let me tell you that sustaining a brain injury has only aggrivated this embarassing personality flaw.  Now I relate even deeper to the struggles and they remind me of my own! Before my aneurysm, I could at least identify where the emotions were coming from or why it touched me to the point of tears!  Now it may take me days to realize why I reacted so strongly! The Bible tells us there will be struggles and trails of many kinds.  I don't like this! I cringe every single time I read it, I cringe just typing about it! And, now the tears are welling in the corner of my eyes.  I would never want to "relive" those years of trial, ever! But I am glad for the lessons I have taken from them. I am thankful for knowing that no matter what God is soverign, He sees with a heavenly view what we can only see from an earthly one! He is using ALL things for our good and His glory.  But oh the pain, oh the struggle! Some of the dearest people to me right now are in the middle of great struggles.  Of medical diagnosis' that seem bleak, stress from work, families, or the realization that life isn't the plan they had in their head!  I am sad for them, I dread the journey for them. I want them to turn to God and be healed. I wish the road wasn't so hard. But it is, it just is! I love this video about RAIN. Someone gave it to my parents after my aneurysm so that some day I could watch it! So, as I sit here all caught up in sadness for my loved ones I am convicted that this isn't about me. Their journey is theirs, not mine though I am here whenever they need me! So, keep the faith my hurting friends. Cry out to Jesus, Cling to Jesus and live!!!!

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