One of those days!

• Ever since my aneurysm, relating to people has been really, really hard for me. When every day 'feels' like, "the end of finals week", talking and relating to others is the most exhausting thing there is. Staying at home and being a hermit is much easier; though not how I am supposed to live. Of course, the migraine aura I got this morning hasn't helped the outlook on today! My sister bought me this magnet that still makes me smile every day!

Yup even a frozen pizza for dinner proved to be too much of a task for me.........

Be Our Guest :-)

S L O W L Y I am getting the house back together after the new rugs were installed! Nate is also refinishing our dressers (which belonged to his grandparents), so you will have to wait til those are done for after pictures of our room but here is our spare/guest bedroom all ready for guests.....................so let us know when you are coming :-)

A Page Is Turned Bebo Norman

This song played at our wedding. It popped into my head today so I thought I'd share it, again. We had no idea on that first day of June how true this song would be in our lives! I just picked it because I thought it was pretty and fitting and because Nate asked me to marry him "high upon a mountain". Okay, maybe a "rolling hill where I used to throw hay for my horse" is more like it! He actually asked me there, so I would have good memories attached to those "hay fields". What a guy, right!!

"......And there is no secret to the source of this much life
When the grace that falls like rain is washing them again
Just a chance to somehow rise above this land

Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and he'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And once again, here you stand
And once again, here you stand....."

just like this quote.........

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”—E.M. Forester

Look for the girl with the broken smile.....

"This is the story of how Much-Afraid escaped from her Fearing relatives and went with the Shepard to the High Places where 'perfect love casteth out fear'. For several years Much-Afraid had been in the service of the Chief Shepard, whose great flocks were pastured down in the Valley of Humiliation. She lived with her friends and fellow workers Mercy and Peace in a tranquil little white cottage in the village of Much Trembling. She loved her work and desired intensely to please the Chief Shepherd, but happy as she was in most ways, she was conscious of several things which hindered her in her work and caused her much secret distress and shame. In the first place she was a cripple, with feet so crooked that they often caused her to limp and stumble as she went about her work.She has a very unsightly blemish of a crooked mouth which greatly disfigured both expression and speech and was sadly conscious that these ugly blemishes must be a cause of astonishment and offense to many who knew that she was in the service of the great Shepherd. Most earnestly she longed to be completely delivered from these shortcomings and be made beautiful, gracious, and strong as were many of the Shepard's other workers, and above all to be like the Chief Shepard Himself. But she feared that there could be no deliverance from these two crippling disfigurements and that they must continue to mar her service always." ".....poor little soul, she was still Much-Afraid even when promised the greatest thing in the world...... In all her life, however, Much Afraid had never been able to ignore Fear". -Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard-

Content being me?

"Have you ever noticed how easy it is to compare yourself to others? Even if we know better, we
look at someone else and think he or she has it better. How many times have you thought: If only
I had the right hair or clothes or shape . . . If only I were taller or faster or bolder or funnier . . .
There’s an old story of a king who went to his garden and found everything withered and
dying. He asked the oak tree what was wrong. The oak tree said it was sick of living because it
was not as tall and beautiful as the pine tree. The pine was dropping needles because it couldn’t
grow grapes like the grapevine. And the grapevine let itself shrivel up because it couldn’t stand
straight and tall like the peach tree. Every plant in the garden was discontented and wanted to be
something different, except the violet. There it stood with its happy face turned toward the sun.
The king asked the little flower why it was so happy and content when every other plant in the
garden was so miserable. “Well,” said the flower, “I figured that if you had wanted a big oak tree
or a pine tree or a peach tree in my spot, you would have planted one; but you planted me — a
violet. Since I knew you wanted a violet, I’ve made up my mind to be the best little violet I can
be.”
You were made by the almighty Creator with a purpose in mind. Wishing to be anything other
than who you are does nothing more than steal your time, energy and joy. But when you see
yourself how God does, you realize how great you really are. So you can stop concentrating on
other -people and instead focus on your own blessings. Only then will you find you are ready for
all the plans and adventures God has for you.
Dear Lord, Help me stop comparing myself to other -people and worrying
about the things I think I lack. Thank you for all of the gifts you have given me. Show me how I can
best use them for your glory. Amen."- Unknown from "Streams in the Desert" devotional

Just a few thoughts................

This weekend I attended a women's conference at our church. I just had to share one of the stories our speaker told about being a newlywed and missionary. About 6 months after getting married she and her husband were called to the mission field in South America (Columbia). A few years later she returned to the United States to attend a family gathering. Traveling home with an 18 month old and pregnant with her second child was no easy task. While at home she got a stomach bug. Unable to travel back to South America in that condition she stayed behind for a few extra days while her husband returned to the mission field. When she was strong enough to return she found herself at the airport with a small child in tow. In a last moment of weakness, she recalls finding a phone and calling her mom. "Mom, I can't do this, I just can't go back. It is too hard, I don't know the language and it is just going to be too hard to go back there, if I go back I am just know I am going to die". Her mother's response went something like this "You have to go back. You may die but you can't disobey God! Your father is going to meet you at the airport, his plane should just be getting in." Moments later, her father finds her, "Daddy" she says, "I just can't go back there, it is just too hard". Her father picked up the child, set her in the stroller and began walking to the gate where his daughter and granddaughter were to depart from. She went and God blessed her obedience relaying that if she hadn't gone she would not have been standing there encouraging hundreds of women. What struck me most about her story was her parents steadfast, determined response to their daughter's plea. Talk about "tough love", I know it wasn't easy for them to send her back, but they did anyway.


This morning I woke up utterly exhausted from a busy weekend and the new time change. I knew I had a doctor appointment in the afternoon that I really shouldn't cancel last minute so I dragged myself out of bed. As I wiped the sleep buggers from my eyes my heart muttered, "I just can't do it today, it is just too hard". To add to the confusion, our house is upside down in preparation for new rugs on Saturday! YAY for a wonderful hubby that thinks ahead! So, our mattress is on the floor. There is no nightstand to put my glasses on so I can find them the next morning and my dresser is in the dining area. So, I just have to hope I grabbed everything I need to get dressed or I risk having to run back out to the dining room for the necessary items. After a few trips back and forth, I knew I needed to refocus. I sat down to eat breakfast and do my devotions. You know what I read about? I'll tell you; worried disciples who thought the waves were going to kill them. Do you know that my heart was STILL muttering, "I'm just so tired, I don't think I can do this today". You know what the answer was "of course YOU can't, but with ME you can, oh you of little faith". So I prayed for Grace to sustain me through the rest of the day, safety as I traveled and wisdom in making decisions. I did indeed make it though the day and even got a good doctor report! Thank you Lord!

For the Beauty of the Earth.........

For the glory of the skies

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies

Lord of all to thee we raise, this our hymn of grateful praise..................

Amen

March Fourth

As my good friend Judy reminded me on her blog today's date is also a command! So, here is to "marching (fourth) forth".

I am reading a book called "My Life in Spite of Me" by Kristen Anderson. She tells her story of struggling with depression to the point of laying on train tracks to "end it all" one night! Of course God had other plans for her life and she lost her legs instead of her life. Two things have really stood out to me about her story. First, she could not remember how she got on those tracks that night. She wrestled with the possibility that she indeed had tried to commit suicide but didn't want to think that she would actually try to take her own life. Throughout the beginning of her book she describes "trying to remember" and how much she needed to know how she ended up there. It brought me back to my initial stay at Sunnyview Rehabilitation Hospital and I felt exactly the opposite about remembering how I 'got there'. I was scared silly at the thought of going to a 'neuro psychologist'. I thought for sure they were going to try to get me to remember the rupture and car accident. I was scared that they might be able to get me to remember it, I didn't want to know! Of course, my circumstances were very different from Kristen's but I love what one wise counselor told her, "God protects us from these memories until He knows we are ready for them and he is ready to use them for His glory!" I am still being protected from the exact detail of my trial while Kristen was able to remember she made a choice and worked through dealing with that. And I have since learned that 'neuro psychologists' mostly do testing to see just how much you have lost and tell you "you have a brain injury" then leave it to others to help you deal with what that means. I am thankful God has protected me from those memories and is dealing with other aspects in my life for now!

The other question Kristen deals with in her book is one that I did not. She describes going to church her whole life but not truly knowing if she would go to heaven when she died. At first, she thought that 'of course she would have gone to heaven, she was a good person'. She wrestled with truly not knowing for sure where she would have gone if she had died. I can't imagine having to deal with that question after such a traumatic experience. So I ask you, do you know for sure where you are going when you die? I'll tell you how I know. I know that I am a sinner,the Bible says, "all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God"( Romans 3:23) My sin separated me from God(the wages of Sin is death: Romans 6:23). Jesus died on the cross so that those who confess their sin and put their trust in Him and Him alone will be saved; covered in His blood and pardoned before God, our creator(John 14:6). There is no other way my friend! I once had a young girl come up to me and say, "How can you still go to church after what happened to you? Aren't you mad at God? I can honestly say I was never mad at God for allowing this in my life. I always knew he had a reason for it whether I find out what it is in this life or in heaven some day. This does not mean that I never struggle over living each day inside my own head. It doesn't mean I am never sad or frustrated by circumstances. It doesn't even mean that I have no fears or anxiety to conquer. It simply means that I know God is using me even when I don't see it or know it. I even see a therapist to help me work through some of my specific struggles. I am not particularly proud of this and it is yet another humbling exercise for me. I only tell you this because I appreciate other people's 'transparent honesty' and am encouraged by learning how other people "deal with things". So "march forth" my friends.......MARCH (FOURTH)FORTH!
~a blessed girl~