Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Christmas Scale

    As I am saddened by the death of a very dear uncle, whose wit and wisdom will be missed dearly, I am thankful for any, "good news" I hear!  Of course, my uncle is no longer suffering after a very courageous, and brave four year battle with cancer.  He was a believer who knew his sins were covered by the blood of Christ so, there is the assurance his soul is now in heaven!  This too is good news, but there will still forever be a hole in all our earthly lives as we will miss his amazing sense of humor!  Even through the struggle, he made us laugh and smile every time he was with us! He was also the same man who took in two preteen/teen girls for a week every summer and spoiled them rotten! Those girls are my sister and me! Those moments with my aunt and uncle are locked forever in my broken, blood seared brain! Thank you Lord for my uncle and his wife, my amazing aunt, whose laugh always added to the humor of my uncle's wit!  Thank you Lord for joy among deep sorrow. Thank you that in the basic "scales of life" there are strategic pauses. They are not mistakes but they make it beautiful and meaningful even when it is hard to appreciate them and difficult to wait. I don't know about you but I am a rather impatient creature. I hate waiting. There I said it, waiting for a call, waiting for results, waiting for food to cook/bake, waiting for a red light. I am so fixed on the steps to the process  following the wait, that it makes me anxious.Sometimes I even look around me and it seems everyone else is just playing away, their scales are fluid and smooth. I get frustrated and even angry that I have to pause. I have to relax, recover, unwind my tired brain. I can't play my scale from beginning to end without pausing or I miss notes all together! Sometimes I even need to be forced to pause, without looking around me or expecting it to be the exact same scale it used to be.  I hear this still small voice tell me, that my scale is different it is a minor one and sometimes sounds and acts out of tune! It even frustrates me that I can't be at all the services/family time this weekend. I have to pause, wait, take a couple "bars to rest"(my best musical comparison) if you will.  You can only imagine how much I hated the "pause" in 2005 when life stopped with a ruptured aneurysm. No more searching for a teaching job, no more graduate school, instead it was rehab and relearning how to live. And learning how to "pause" and be okay with the memory of functioning without the capacity to do it! PAUSE, it is time to take a deep breath before continuing on! This current, sad "pause" here and now is hard to take, but the Lord has a purpose in the big picture to make it more beautiful! Christ even "paused" from heavenly dwelling to live a perfect life on earth because we couldn't. He "paused" to hang on a cross, shed his blood to cover our sins. These "pauses" are the reason I have the assurance of seeing my Uncle T, Grammy O and other dear ones who share this faith! So, don't forget to "pause" this busy Christmas season (even if you don't have a Brain Injury) because "Joy to the world, the Lord is come!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry about the loss of your uncle. Your words and thoughts are helping me get some perspective tonight. I found my 16 year old cat on the floor crying and unable to stand about 6 pm. I got him to the vet and found he had no circulation in a hind leg due to a blood clot, a bad heart, and in pain. So we did what was best for him and put him down. Ellen and I are having a bad night too. Again, you brought me perspective. Thank you and I am sorry- love, Nan