A Brain Aneurysm survivor learning that, “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
— E.M. Forester
CAUTION: This blog is real and contains mistakes of every kind.
Monday, December 15, 2014
So, I had written a post a few days ago to "vent" about my day so I could then......"LET IT GO." My sister teases me that she is going to buy me the "singing Elsa gloves" from the movie Frozen. The idea is you put them on, hit a button and they sing the "let it go" song. We laugh and laugh over this! Guess, you'd have to be there or spend time with me to truly get it! I will share my day with you briefly......I broke my own strict rule about avoiding all stores at ALL costs in the month of December. I pick up the basics at Stewart's and try to just do without the "non essentials." Don't worry I "hoard" toilet paper and such things from BJs before Thanksgiving! So, long story shorter, after days of snow I was out and about and decided it didn't look insanely busy, I'd just stop quick for whatever I happened to be fixated on that day, it was something silly like hair dye. I survived the store and even made it through checkout then bolted out the door! When I got home, I began looking for the bag I had just bought, I did buy it right (it's Christmas time, this is not a silly question)??? I had a receipt in my hand so I called said store and indeed my bag was still there. Great, this means the next day I will obsess about getting my bag . I decide to break my rule again and retrieve the lost bag. I am too frugal to let $5.00 worth of hair dye go unclaimed! I also have to drive right past said store to pick up my engagement ring which was having new prongs put on it to replace worn ones. I get to that store, get into an inanely long Customer service line but then talk a cashier into just grabbing the bag for me. I went to pull out my phone to stay on track with my day......my phone.....my phone?????? NO phone! My phone is my life line and security blanket. My real concern, in all of it, was if hubby tried to call me and I didn't answer for hours. I decided it was best to just go back home and grab my phone which also had my "to do" list for the day. Otherwise, I may get distracted and end up looking at 'who knows what' for 'way too long!' I get home and sure enough hubby did try to call me, text me, and was beginning to get really nervous about my lack of response! With a heart attack averted, I determined that I always underestimate my need forgoing back to basic memory strategies during the Christmas/stressful season/s. Back to checklists before leaving my house, it is!!!! I then carried on with my day and was reunited with my engagement ring so, the day was starting to shape up! Not pushing my luck I just went home to take a much needed nap! But, the heavy snow made me nervous we might not have power for long so I took a shower, just in case, since I admittedly just threw a hat on and didn't bother that morning!! After a shower and a nap I decided to tackle taking pictures of my dogs wrapped in Christmas lights! Not my "brightest" idea! I moved the tree ever so slightly(and gently, of course) for a better view out the snow covered window! There was a slight, okay, definite cracking noise! Yup, the leg, okay entire base, of my fake, pre-lit tree (it's all I can tolerate in the crazy season people, don't judge) cracked right off. I tried to redeem myself hoping it could be rigged together until hubby got home to "deal" with it! Now, mind you, my left hand has never regained full mobility!
thankfully, married "Mr Fix-it"
the day ended like this..................NAILED IT!
But seriously, this is the house I come home too.....life is good!
The following day was miraculously a good one and all of the Christmas busy was too much! I suddenly needed ORDER again. I sorted out my entire desk drawer and then attacked the "junk drawer." I could simply no longer live and function with their daily chaos. I was ruthless and it felt good! Thank you Christmas for my "greater than usual inability to tolerate disorganization." My hubby was nervous about what of his he would find missing......hehehe! Still having a good day, hubby too me out to eat so I didn't have to think about cooking. The evening ended with Christmas lights and a stop at a bakery I had never been to, but now that I know it is there........my life just got so much better!
And, there is nothing like a day to change your whole self centered perspective on how you are already over crazy Christmas! I have a very, very dear uncle who has bravely and courageously been fighting cancer, with humor and grace! The cancer is progressing rapidly now and my heart is heavy; very, very heavy on this temporary earth. And, then comes the moments we all dread. As survivors, this hits home differently perhaps! There is also the struggle of "wanting to be there" for and with your dear family while still living with a broken limited brain (different limits than most people your age have.) I'll always be at high risk for everything. I will always need to respect those limits and pray for avoiding migraines, which only up these risks! There is the ever present reality that I don't simply "bounce back" and it is physically/mentally impossible to just push through it like I used to! This is an ever present struggle for me with often "self imposed guilt" as I perceive disappointing my family, the family whom I love dearly and would do anything for! I am blessed that they have all graciously walked this journey with me and are quick to forgive and understand!! But struggle, I still do!