OLYMPIC THOUGHTS

So, here is why I like the Olympics. This year,it is mostly the footage from London, my favorite city! I don't know why but I am just obsessed with all things London (or British really). Perhaps, it is my English roots from hundreds of years ago, or the cool, rainy, perfect weather. Those are the best explanations I can come up with. Yes, in college I was fortunate enough to take an 'art credit' there for 3 weeks! Now, I want to go back to do all the things I didn't get do the first time :-) With that being said, I am enamored by athletes. Probably because I have NO athletic ability, nope absolutely NONE. So, I amazed by the capability of the human body! Even the para Olympics far exceed my capabilities; and I have all my original limbs (even if only half of them work properly)! I began thinking, "what would 'Brain Injury Olympics' look like?" I started this commentary in my head explain why everything is such a struggle, calling for endurance, persistence and sheer will to succeed (I have since forgotten the elaborate commentary about how every single thing in daily life now has to be carefully planned, like walking down stairs, it is now possible to forget you are walking down stairs and end up in a frustrated heap when you loose your balance and miss a step. Even if I could remember the commentary I created, I wouldn't have the energy to type it out!)  The headlines would read "EVERY DAY THINGS ARE NOW OLYMPIC EVENTS!"  Okay, allow me to diverge a moment, this is what triggered my thoughts: I was going to make a nice lasagna dinner tonight since my hubby has been out of town.  On Pinterest I found a "very easy" French bread recipe.  For most human beings it probably is but by the time I got done mixing and measuring and kneading and, and, and....... my brain was so fried that I might have bread, but I am so fried that making the rest of dinner to go with it.....NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.............too many steps!

Even, going to BJs this week also proved to be an "Olympic sized" event! It finally rained here giving my poor sensitive eyes relief from driving in the blazing sun! Driving in rain, however, adds to the sensory overload with the wipers and 'water whiteouts' caused by huge passing trucks! Still, I just love the rainy weather! So, I needed to stock up at BJs so this was the day I chose!  I slipped on my flip flops because if I wore anything more sturdy, my feet would be soaked all day and I knew it was more than I could tolerate! Flip flops it was, I will deal with the consequences later! I get to BJs and it is absolutely POURING, generally I don't bother with an umbrella, but again, I didn't want to be soaking wet ALL day.  Of course, BJs is renovating and reorganizing so I wander the HUGE store aimlessly with everyone else stopping to read signs and find what they want.  I survived this and was leaving with a cart that probably easily outweighed me.  I put up my umbrella and struggled with pushing the cart with just my right arm!  Of course, this fatigue caused my left arm to become tight, my hand curling in awkward positions and my umbrella  now out in front of me, instead of over my head like an umbrella should be.  I could not manage keeping the umbrella over my head while pushing the cart! Half way to where I thought I parked, I threw the umbrella in the cart and decided to just get soaked! At this point,I also realized I had no real idea where I actually parked!  Great!  I stopped, grabbed my umbrella and decide to regroup without also navigating the huge, heavy cart!  I knew I parked in some aisle in the very last spot!  I spot my Jeep; sweet relief! By now my left hand was so tight around the umbrella I didn't even feel like prying it off so I grabbed the cart with my other hand!  My umbrella now out in front of me, again, and at this point I realize the cart is too wide to fit through parked cars to get to my Jeep in the next aisle! My only choice was to return to the front of the store and try again, but oh wait, there in the handicap section, is a opening large enough for the cart.  Using my entire body as a counterweight I try to make the turn! I plea the 5th about hitting (nudging) things as I turned! Of course, now my flip flops are very wet and very slippery too! Very, very slippery, my little toes are curled in an effort to keep them on my feet!! This caused my left leg to be spastic now too.  So here is the picture, small girl, huge cart, umbrella in front held by a strange curling hand, curled toes and slippery flip flops now attached to spastic left leg.  *DEEP BREATHS*  I made it to my Jeep, loaded it up, skipped trying to return the cart to the proper place, climbed in completely exhausted, put the seat back and closed my eyes.  After some rest, I ate the snack I packed for myself hoping it would revive some brain cells!! After an undisclosed amount of time (I lost track) I was okay to get home.  I made it home where I promptly took a nap then got up and sipped on tea, dreaming I was really in London :-)  Perhaps in the future I will completely skip the umbrella or at the very least find one that would make me less of a spectacle  (if that is even possible.)



Maybe time to find an umbrella without the usual "Lisa flare!" Oh, why be normal??

Post rant ;-)

Today, I had to take my turn today working on a Saturday!  When I got to work, and checked my mail box I found a very sincere, kind apology note.  So, it is 'water under the bridge.' I debated deleting my "rant" post but some day I may want to look back at it, so I am leaving it :-) I hope this will just serve as another growing experience! This is what life is all about, right? So, instead of deleting this from my "memory", I choose to keep it and learn how to better relate to people in general; what a journey it is for anyone!!! Have a great weekend my friends!


the very symbol of 'new growth' at it's best (yes, I'm still obsessed with this tree)

just ranting.............

Here is my "survivor rant" for the day! I find it very, very hard to tolerate the insignificant, petty things that people make into such a big deal!!! Perhaps, it is a job hazard of "working" in a library after living through 3 BRAIN SURGERIES AND  2 RUPTURED ANEURYSMS!!! I know it would NEVER be appropriate to yell "IT'S NOT BRAIN SURGERY PEOPLE", so of course I quietly try to ignore it (even though I know I will fixate on it for awhile).  Generally, I LOVE "working" at a library because of that same reason, at the end of the day, it really is "just a book" and any mistakes can usually be easily corrected without many bad consequences to others!!!! Of course, I recognize this happens everywhere in life! People just have to add drama to everything! And yes, sometimes small insignificant things bother me too, I'm not perfect! I am just saying that after surviving what I have and living every day with it's struggle, I'm just trying to do my best. I really don't think it matters if I reused your "staff pick" paper, really?? Is that all 'you' have to worry about, REALLY!!!!  Did 'you' really just snap at me over something this silly!  If I had known it bothered 'you' that much, I would have never reused it. In the future, I will just find a new piece of my own!!! So, after trying my hardest to hold it together, I failed and a meltdown took place.  I was tired after a 4 hour shift the tears just started to flow,( I still have no control of emotions when overly fatigued)!!  My very first ever meltdown at the library (amazing, really).  At the very least, I would expect to be told about it in a quiet, kind, gentle way; not right at the circulation desk for all to see and hear, and I don't even have a filter left on my brain! I am thankful for a wonderful and supportive supervisor and a great job coach to help me with the "angry librarian"!! I'm sure by the next time I "work" it will be "water under the bridge"; for me at least! *deep breath*  I have to consider the source (as my wise mother advised me) when thinking about this.  All that came to my mind, was that miserable Principal in Anne of Green Gables, Katherine Brooke; Yup, that should explain it all!!  Might I also add, that this is why I always loved teaching special education.  If find it much easier to understand these rude, socially inappropriate actions with people who either genuinely don't know better or truly can't help it. I have been kicked, bitten and even had things thrown at me without resorting to a puddle of tears, not to mention months in Neuro ICU with frontal lobe damage patients, I'm just saying!!  And, I 'secretly' love that when I tell my hubby about my day (hours later and still crying as I talk) he is ready to storm into the library and defend me, no questions asked!! Okay, thanks for letting me vent, I feel better now!! ;-)

Dear summer,

Dear summer,
  You have officially worn me out with the constant busy, busy, busy! From now on "NO, is a complete sentence." But,  just when I feel like staying in bed and turning off all electronic devices that connect me to the rest of the world, a friend sent me an article about an Irish Olympian overcoming SEVERAL serious "set backs" in life. With stubborn persistence he carried on  and will be competing in London (my favorite city) this summer.  His name, Kieran Behan (just click on his name for the story) but his story touches my heart and has shamed me out of my, "poor me" attitude that creeps in sometimes from being just so tired all the time!! So, now I will have a struggle between my American pride and my "brain injury" connection.  Sorry America, I'm routing for a fellow survivor even though in my book, he has already won!!!!!

Steve Saint quotes "The Thorn"

The Thorn by Martha Snell Nicholson

I stood a mendicant of God before His royal throne
And begged him for one priceless gift, which I could call my own.
I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart
I cried, “But Lord this is a thorn and it has pierced my heart.
This is a strange, a hurtful gift, which Thou hast given me.”
He said, “My child, I give good gifts and gave My best to thee.”
I took it home and though at first the cruel thorn hurt sore,
As long years passed I learned at last to love it more and more.
I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace,
He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His face.

I love Steve Saint's words toward the end, "I haven't sought, because I didn't know it existed"

Thoughts about a tree.............

Especially for my "survivor" friends (of all kinds; you know who you are ). And, for those who help me stand every single day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few weeks ago (yes, I am still recovering) my mom, my sister and I went to NYC to celebrate my sister's 30th (birthday), which was in February but she didn't want to walk around NY in the freezing cold, so we waited until what was supposed to be spring.   But, busy schedules turned into July.  So, we went, and it turned out to be a "perfect summer weekend", not too hot, cloudy and a cool breeze.  We had such a blast seeing the sights and being together , just us girls!  This is rare these days! K's iPhone app got us to the right subway, then off several times (oh how I longed for the Tube in London though), there was lunch at Cafe LaLo, we hailed a taxi (my first taxi ride) and navigated through FAO Schwartz (no small feat for the brain injured especially with flashing lights, talking toys, escalators and lots and lots of people in crowded aisles) My mom and I had never been to the 9/11 Memorial. So, that was our last stop before dinner in the meat packing district (a whole other story, a story in which I wish I never did read, The Jungle by Upton Sinclair, hehehe)!! We had reserved tickets the day before and printed them out so we could enter the 9/11 Memorial site.  We went through several security stops and finally we were there.  The somber sight of what was left! In my head, I had to fight off tears as visions of people jumping out the windows flashed in my head from documentaries we have watched. 
After quietly listening to the waterfalls, that now hold the place of the towers, we went to visit "the survivor tree". For the story of this tree CLICK HERE. Of course, I choked back more tears as I immediately felt a strange bond with this tree, if that could even be possible??  It too was a SURVIVOR! Although, the things this tree "saw" were too horrific for words it was nursed back to health and it is now planted back in the world, offering 'HOPE' to millions of people as they hear it's story.  Sure, if you don't take the time to really see it, the tree looks just like any other tree at the memorial (except that there is a silver railing to keep people from getting "too close").When you get closer to the tree you can see it still has "scars and dents" and there are ropes helping it to stand; like it once did all on its own. You see, because even "survivors" need help standing, again.  You can uproot us and replant us but we are going to need a lot of help and a lot of understanding.  And, yes even a little silver railing sometimes giving us some space from "everything/everyone normal". But, the amount of "new growth" since the injury on this tree is astounding!!  So I leave you with the song that ran through my head as I left the tree that day.  It is called "Beauty will Rise" by Steven Curtis Chapman:
"It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed til my voice was gone
And watched through the tears as everything
Came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
And sift through the ashes
That are left behind
But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams we have this hope
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning, beauty will rise
So take another breath for now
And let the tears come washing down
And if you can't believe, I will believe for you
Cause I have seen the signs of spring
Just watch and see

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning
I can hear it in the distance
And it's not too far away
It's the music and the laughter
Of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
Reaching for my face to wipe the tears away
You say it's time to make everything new
Make it all new
This is our hope
This is a promise
This is our hope
This is a promise
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that's been made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that He's made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of this darkness
New light will shine
And we'll know the joy that's coming in the morning
In the morning
Beauty will rise
Oh, beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, beauty will rise"

Beautiful people quote

One of my new favorite quotes, because I know so many beautiful people (you know who you are):

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross