Here I sit at home typing and processing. It's the first Thanksgiving ever I haven't been with my family. I love being with my family. They ground me and remind me who I am. Amongst a pandemic and my vascular health concerns we decided to do what many others did today; simply stay home. I don't regret that decision and I'm thankful my extended family was able to do a zoom meeting, to see faces and answered prayers. This year has not only been challenging with the health of hubby's father but it is not as well known that I had an uncle with a potentially life threatening blood clot, like another hour and this would have been a different post. Then, I had a cousin survive a massive heart attack, no risk factors other than family history. As I sat looking at all their faces and listened to them talk it hit me, profoundly. I was grateful and overwhelmed all at once. I sat there taking it all in and I'm not sure I even opened my mouth to say what I was thankful for. Honestly, I was struggling to process it. And then it made me sad that I haven't been allowed the space to feel all of that. Because of our location and relationship the sole focus has been elsewhere. I was lost, got lost, ended up lost in the shuffle. But, today I was reminded who I am. Where I come from and the dear lives that I love so much, dear ones that have been understanding and poured so much of themselves into me, so many times. No questions asked(Okay, maybe a few that's a family trait). It spoke life and softness around some annoyingly hardened edges of me. I saw in living color family loving and caring and reaching across the valleys of life.
And, just when you think 19 years would teach you something about a person, there is always more to learn. When we met 19 years ago I distinctly remember the Thanksgiving plans discussion. Hubs told me it was 'no big deal in his family. They would hunt all day and stop at Cracker Barrel on the way home. I remember finding it a bit sad but we started going to my parent's. He would hunt with my dad then we would visit each of my grandparents. Still pretty low key, really. Then my sister moved closer so we started a tradition at her house. This year, sadly, neither grandparent can be visited, we aren't traveling so I expected we would default to "Thanksgiving is no big deal." So, I didn't stress out about it, not a bit. I bought some thick sliced baked turkey at a deli and figured I'd do a couple sides and call it a day. Hubs asks me first thing I wake up, "what appetizers are we having?" WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thankfully, I'm a mild hoarder and always have some simple basics on hand so I did pull off a few unexpected appetizers and had planned a surprise pumpkin pie anyway. So, once again my communication deficit bites me. If only, I could process faster or learn to ask the right questions. Don't assume or "the saying" (you know what it is) will indeed be true. Oh, and always keep a few appetizers on hand, incase you misunderstood along the way!
|An my weak left side shows again!|