BIANYS story

Here is a link to "my story" as told by Paula Schmidt from BIANYS, I think she did an outstanding job, what do you think??
http://braininjurystories.org/2012/03/09/lisas-story/

thank you Picknik for the tan :-)

TRAPPED

        ****please note that this entry was compiled this week, as I had an insane number of doctors appointments and was feeling overly tired by the pace of this week which makes me overly emotional!! I am just trying to be "real" for those fellow survivors who just want to hear someone say, "I have been there, I understand ,and it gets better"

     "One of Gabby's nurses just said, 'Hey Mark you gotta come here quickly,' " Kelly says. "Gabby was sitting in her wheelchair in the bathroom with just this look of terror on her face, tears streaming down her face, hyperventilating. And she was trying to say something and really couldn't.
"This was the moment she realized that she couldn't speak. Before that, she was in this long, hazy period of just coming out of the coma and recovering from her injuries. But at this moment, the light bulb came on and it's like, 'I cannot speak. And am I going to be trapped like this forever?' That's what she was going through and it was difficult, difficult period of time. I just held her and I told her it was going to get better. I was going to help her through this. And she has a lot of people that care for her and love her and we were going to get through this and it's gonna get better. And it did." -From "Gabby" by Mark Kelly and Gabrielle Giffords. 
     Have you ever felt "trapped" in your own being? I can totally relate to Gabby, while I was able to talk, I often felt "trapped" by my inability to process language at the speed it came at me, sometimes I still feel this way.  This "trapped" feeling creeps up on me from time to time.  I feel "trapped" by this new world of daily doctor appointments.  I always have a follow up of some sort or a new doctor to try to diagnose a new "phase of recovery".  It seems that I go through these phases like: throwing up, blacking out for a moment due to blood pressure, or a series of migraine auoras.  I feel "trapped" by other ailments that the medical world has no answers for.  My new limits often give me that "trapped" feeling.  It seems overwhelming that I need days to prepare for and days to recover from things as simple as grocery shopping or taking a weekend trip to visit family.  I feel "trapped" by my inability to hold a full time job, and even more "trapped" that I can't tolerate a job of any kind in my field of training. Or how about "trapped" by the knowledge of my short term memory problems. "Trapped" because a functional life now means a series of 'checklists' before everything I do! Of course, I know that "man makes plans, but God directs the paths." So, I'm not really "trapped" by these things but instead I am living safely in God's directed path. I am human after all, and my broken brain feels "trapped" by new limitations and situations.  I struggle with the occasional "panic attack", still, as I claw my way from the "trap" within my own mind while still very thankful that these "traps" mean I am here and able to share life's experiences with others!!! I think Bebo Norman says it best really, "Take my time here on this earth
                                And let it glorify all that You are worth
                                For I am nothing,
                                I am nothing without You......"

Tough?!?!?!?!?

I generally consider myself pretty "tough" these days when it comes to medical procedures, being tough is much easier when you know you have a bottle of Percocet, "just incase".  I still dread most procedures and I always prefer to be "knocked out" or at least given a good dose of "happy drugs", but all things considered I generally think, "it can't be as bad as the recovery from 3 brain surgeries in less than a year!" So, I have had this stubborn lump/lesion on my tongue for the last few months.  It drives me absolutely crazy as it scrapes across my teeth as I talk or swallow.  I have tried steroids, mouth guards, and a diet free of acidic foods! Nothing will get rid of this thing! I think I was slowly driving my doctors even more nuts than I usually do! Someone finally sent me to an oral surgeon to just 'take it off and have peace of mind'.  The oral surgeon doctor took one look at it and told me he was not going to take it off because of it's location, it would be too painful and he didn't think it looked particularly problematic.  He wanted me to wear my new dentist issued mouth guard while sleeping to see if the irritation went away.  I faithfully wore it as he instructed! The stupid irritation was still there.  So, at a follow up visit he reluctantly agreed to remove it even though he still thought it was just going to be too miserable for me.  There was a small insurance deadline to meet so, off it came.  I was just SO sure I was going to be just fine.  I even shared my story about how wisdom teeth taken out proved to be so much less traumatic than everyone made it out to be, I was just sure this would be the same!!! I WAS WRONG......stitches/a biopsy on the tongue proved to be just as painful as they promised it would be!! I am so thankful this doctor kindly tried to spare me from it!! I, of course, was very angry at myself for being so "neurotic" that the doctor felt cornered to take it off against his better judgement!! So, I hope this takes care of the problem and we can all just move on with our lives without my silly 'tongue drama'!

Ouch!!

My "little sister" is 30 :-)

Thank you to everyone who sent my dearest sister a 30th birthday card.  She called me one night before her birthday and said, "did you have everyone send me a card?" I pretended I had no idea what she was talking about BUT, she knows me too well.  She says, "this has you written all over it".  Of course, I cracked and told her the truth. I couldn't just let this milestone go by with just that so, I took the day off of work and drove to my parent's house, caught a ride with them and surprised her with a 30th birthday visit!  It is so much fun to get good surprises, and so much fun to do too!  I used to do this to her when I was in college, I'd just show up at her soccer games, FUN, right???  Here is a link to my pictures (I am still recovering from the travels and don't have the mental enegry to upload them again)

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150765922067738.498186.809117737&type=3&l=e11cf74c2e

Enjoy and thanks again for helping me out with all the cards!!!! My favorite one said something like "You're 30, you're mature, educated, sophisticated : and teenagers everywhere think you're old"

This hat is "payback" from when I turned 30 :-) She was a good sport!!!

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY KRISTIN XOXOXO

"You're just a mess........"

So, I went to an appointment today with an oral surgeon for what I thought would be a "lesion removal" on my tongue.  My dentist told me to just get it removed for "peace of mind".  So, Nate took the afternoon off to go with me for moral support, and since I have blood pressure and panic attack issues after these sorts of appointments.  We are sitting in the waiting room ready to be seen as I fill out yet more pages of "medical history".  About half way through I stop, Nate looks at me and then at my paper.  I say to Nate," I think I'm just a mess". He lovingly replies "you THINK??" We both laugh as the receptionist gives us a funny look (I guess most people don't laugh in their office).  I handed her my completed papers and I'm sure she could not figure out why we were laughing, I don't care! The nurse gets me all prepped for what the "procedure" will involve.  It doesn't sound pretty but all I could see was....... relief (mental, physical, emotional)!!! The oral surgeon walks in, takes one look in my mouth and says something like "that is nothing to worry about, it might be annoying but, I'm not removing it today."  Upon further poking and pulling on my tongue he noticed that my left bottom teeth were at a greater "slant" than the right side.  His theory is--> that the tongue is just getting pinched in the gap it creates with my top teeth while I grind my teeth at night! If the professional, expensive dentist made mouthguard doesn't get rid of it then we will consider a biopsy/removal.  So, there you have it.  I'm a mess :-) But, at least I don't have stiches in my tongue yet!!! You'd never know it but I really, really hate drama, yet it always seems to find me anyway :-(

Oh and, PS- Dear doctors, your statistics no longer comfort me!!!!!

Just because it made me laugh!

BY ANONYMOUS not me!

As we progress into the year of 2012, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .
Oh, and by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.


P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

Not the life I would have chosen, but I'm still thankful!

"When you look at a person, any person,
remember that everyone has a story.
Everyone has gone through
something that has changed them"

Today marks 7 years since the rupture of my aneurysm.  I have had such a busy week I haven't even had time to really reflect on it!! So more reflections later............I really like what Mark Kelly says in the book "Gabby".   I can sure identify with the desire to regain small parts of my former self!!!!!!!!!!

"Still, with the splash of each wave, she moved forward, determined to regain some small part of her former life" -Mark Kelly