"You're just a mess........"

So, I went to an appointment today with an oral surgeon for what I thought would be a "lesion removal" on my tongue.  My dentist told me to just get it removed for "peace of mind".  So, Nate took the afternoon off to go with me for moral support, and since I have blood pressure and panic attack issues after these sorts of appointments.  We are sitting in the waiting room ready to be seen as I fill out yet more pages of "medical history".  About half way through I stop, Nate looks at me and then at my paper.  I say to Nate," I think I'm just a mess". He lovingly replies "you THINK??" We both laugh as the receptionist gives us a funny look (I guess most people don't laugh in their office).  I handed her my completed papers and I'm sure she could not figure out why we were laughing, I don't care! The nurse gets me all prepped for what the "procedure" will involve.  It doesn't sound pretty but all I could see was....... relief (mental, physical, emotional)!!! The oral surgeon walks in, takes one look in my mouth and says something like "that is nothing to worry about, it might be annoying but, I'm not removing it today."  Upon further poking and pulling on my tongue he noticed that my left bottom teeth were at a greater "slant" than the right side.  His theory is--> that the tongue is just getting pinched in the gap it creates with my top teeth while I grind my teeth at night! If the professional, expensive dentist made mouthguard doesn't get rid of it then we will consider a biopsy/removal.  So, there you have it.  I'm a mess :-) But, at least I don't have stiches in my tongue yet!!! You'd never know it but I really, really hate drama, yet it always seems to find me anyway :-(

Oh and, PS- Dear doctors, your statistics no longer comfort me!!!!!

Just because it made me laugh!

BY ANONYMOUS not me!

As we progress into the year of 2012, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .
Oh, and by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.


P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

Not the life I would have chosen, but I'm still thankful!

"When you look at a person, any person,
remember that everyone has a story.
Everyone has gone through
something that has changed them"

Today marks 7 years since the rupture of my aneurysm.  I have had such a busy week I haven't even had time to really reflect on it!! So more reflections later............I really like what Mark Kelly says in the book "Gabby".   I can sure identify with the desire to regain small parts of my former self!!!!!!!!!!

"Still, with the splash of each wave, she moved forward, determined to regain some small part of her former life" -Mark Kelly

further clarification.....

   I went to have the stitches from my biopsy removed and was able to talk to the nurse and aks her all sorts of questions, so I would understand what "atypical cells" really meant!! Basically, it was an "Atypical Dysplastic Nevi", relatively benign. The doctor will go back in on the 21st of February and remove all remaining borders so it doesn't come back and potentially be a problem!! This is MUCH, MUCH better news than I originally thought!!  I thought that all atypical cells meant automatic melanoma. I am very thankful to be wrong, yet again!!! I will just have to keep an even closer watch now, since my skin is SO fair, and now have a confirmed atypical mole, my chances of problems in the future are much higher than most people (like I haven't heard that a million times before). My sister just calls me Casper (out of love, of course).  So I will continue living in my ghostlike, shade loving, cave dwelling state, as far away from the sun as I can be :-)

RESULTS...........

My dermatologist called this morning and said the mole they removed last week had "mild/moderate atypical cells".  This means they will go back in on Feb. 21 to remove all the borders. They will then test that to ensure all atypical cells are removed! Please pray this will take care of the problem as they say it should.  Also, I will be having a lesion on my tongue removed next Monday, Feb 6.  All of this on the week of my 7 year "annie versary" (the anniversary of my aneurysm rupture). Thankful for the reminder that God is truly in control of all these things.  It is just emotionally draining for me and I need lots of Grace this week!  Thanks for your faithful prayers for God's continued Mercy on me! On my window sill, in my kitchen, hangs a card that says "Trials are not enemies to faith, but opportunities to prove God's faithfulness".

just life updates!

      Sometimes I truly feel like my life is consumed with doctor appointments.  I am always going to a 'follow up' for something!  What I thought was going to be a quick check at the dermatologist, ended in removing a questionable looking mole. Now, when I filled out paperwork I'm pretty sure I checked "yes" after the question "are you allergic to bandage adhesive?".  Since I am on 81mg aspirin, I bled a little more than some(not that bad really), requiring the BIGGEST bandage they had.  Now I will spare you from a picture of my flabby, "untoned" tummy with a rash in the perfect shape of a Band aid, you're welcome!!!! Stitches are nothing compared to the reaction to bandage adhesive.  Let me just mention, that while in the hospital after my aneurysm, doctors/therapists used "Kinesio Tape"  try to stop my shoulder from separating further while still paralyzed.  When the tape was removed so was some of my skin!!! I am trying hard not to fixate on the biopsy results but, I am me!  The week after next I will have a "funny looking" lesion removed from my tongue, yeah not going to lie, I'm not looking forward to that one!!!!! So, now I will officially look like I have been hit by shrapnel in a different sort of war (a medical one) but better safe than sorry. Please pray with me for good, accurate results and the strength to make these appointments and wait for reports to come in, Thanks!

"What Every Brain Injury Survivor Would Like You To Know" - Author Unkown

I finally found the link to this article: Excerpted from Lost & Found: A Survivor's Guide for Reconstructing Life After a Brain Injury by Barbara J. Webster. © 20ll by Lash & Associates Publishing/Training Inc.   with the assistance of the "Amazing" Brain Injury Survivor Support Group of Framingham, MA. click here for their article!

I need a lot more rest than I used to. I’m not being lazy. I get physical fatigue as well as a “brain fatigue.” It is very difficult and tiring for my brain to think, process, and organize. Fatigue makes it even harder to think.



My stamina fluctuates, even though I may look good or “all better” on the outside.Cognition is a fragile function for a brain injury survivor. Some days are better than others. Pushing too hard usually leads to setbacks, sometimes to illness.



Brain injury rehabilitation takes a very long time; it is usually measured in years. It continues long after formal rehabilitation has ended. Please resist expecting me to be who I was, even though I look better.


I am not being difficult if I resist social situations. Crowds, confusion, and loud sounds quickly overload my brain, it doesn’t filter sounds as well as it used to. Limiting my exposure is a coping strategy, not a behavioral problem.


If there is more than one person talking, I may seem uninterested in the conversation.That is because I have trouble following all the different “lines” of discussion. It is exhausting to keep trying to piece it all together. I’m not dumb or rude; my brain is getting overloaded!



If we are talking and I tell you that I need to stop, I need to stop NOW! And it is not because I’m avoiding the subject, it’s just that I need time to process our discussion and “take a break” from all the thinking. Later I will be able to rejoin the conversation and really be present for the subject and for you.



Try to notice the circumstances if a behavior problem arises. “Behavior problems” are often an indication of my inability to cope with a specific situation and not a mental health issue. I may be frustrated, in pain, overtired or there may be too much confusion or noise for my brain to filter.


Patience is the best gift you can give me. It allows me to work deliberately and at my own pace, allowing me to rebuild pathways in my brain. Rushing and multi-tasking inhibit cognition.


Please listen to me with patience. Try not to interrupt. Allow me to find my words and follow my thoughts. It will help me rebuild my language skills.


Please have patience with my memory. Know that not remembering does not mean that I don’t care.



Please don’t be condescending or talk to me like I am a child. I’m not stupid, my brain is injured and it doesn’t work as well as it used to. Try to think of me as if my brain were in a cast.



If I seem “rigid,” needing to do tasks the same way all the time; it is because I am retraining my brain. It’s like learning main roads before you can learn the shortcuts. Repeating tasks in the same sequence is a rehabilitation strategy.


If I seem “stuck,” my brain may be stuck in the processing of information. Coaching me, suggesting other options or asking what you can do to help may help me figure it out. Taking over and doing it for me will not be constructive and it will make me feel inadequate. (It may also be an indication that I need to take a break.)

You may not be able to help me do something if helping requires me to frequently interrupt what I am doing to give you directives. I work best on my own, one step at a time and at my own pace.


If I repeat actions, like checking to see if the doors are locked or the stove is turned off, it may seem like I have OCD — obsessive-compulsive disorder — but I may not. It may be that I am having trouble registering what I am doing in my brain. Repetitions enhance memory. (It can also be a cue that I need to stop and rest.)



If I seem sensitive, it could be emotional lability as a result of the injury or it may be a reflection of the extraordinary effort it takes to do things now. Tasks that used to feel “automatic” and take minimal effort, now take much longer, require the implementation of numerous strategies and are huge accomplishments for me


We need cheerleaders now, as we start over, just like children do when they are growing up. Please help me and encourage all efforts. Please don’t be negative or critical. I am doing the best I can.




Don’t confuse Hope for Denial. We are learning more and more about the amazing brain and there are remarkable stories about healing in the news every day. No one can know for certain what our potential is. We need Hope to be able to employ the many, many coping mechanisms, accommodations and strategies needed to navigate our new lives. Everything single thing in our lives is extraordinarily difficult for us now. It would be easy to give up without Hope.







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