Better late than never. I decided to post this on my blog as well as social media. On the first, my hubby and I were living. We went to a quaint little town on a lake near us and did a little shopping, then out to dinner to complete or little day trip. The day as light-hearted, but filled with lots of big and hard emotions about the journey to get here. February 5th I had a follow-up appointment with my neurosurgeon. It had been five years since my last scan. Because of the complexity of my case, I still have a scan every five years. While we weren't expecting there to be a problem, you just never know. Thankfully, the scans came back with no evidence of residual aneurysm and the ventricles looked stable. We are praising God, as always, for this good news. I have determined in my mind that this year I'm just going to live. I'm going to say, I'd yes, to as much as I can, and I'm going to fully experience life. I definitely haven't taken a single day for granted.
Twenty years ago today, I was still in a hospital bed, not out of the woods yet. Twenty years ago 😳🤯 (February 1) at this time my family had said goodbye to me. Doctors couldn’t believe I was even still alive. I wish I had something really profound to say today. I’m still sorting through profound gratefulness for being alive, not missing precious moments here, and the reality of living every day with struggles most people will never be able to understand. I’m truly not a particularly strong person, but I serve a God who is. He often uses His weakest links to show His great power. It blows my mind that the creator of the universe saw me, knew me, and spared my life in such a powerful way that day. Never think God can’t use you. Shy by nature, I generally am found in the background unnoticed and generally believe that to always be true. I’m going to be really real for a moment. My aneurysm burst at a point in my life when I was, honestly, possibly very near a nervous breakdown. I had landed in the ER, diagnosed with panic attacks. There were individuals that were putting enormous amounts of pressure on us to have kids (I mean, we had been married for a whole two years.) I believed it a wise stewardship to further my education in order to maintain a permanent teaching license; we were still so young. I had 5 years to secure my permanent certification. The pressures and voices of those around us were so demanding that I couldn’t discern what God truly wanted for me. I knew in my heart God had a plan, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t the “normal” path most people seemed to take. Still, I began questioning everything. Maybe I was “supposed” to want what God did not put in my heart? Maybe the demands were valid? It all seems so ridiculous now, but it was a terrible feeling. Those that were contributing to this choose to remain blissfully unaware to this day. As crazy hard as it is sometimes, I feel more like the person I was created to be today than I ever did before this wild journey. I am so thankful for my hubby, who has supported me and stayed with me. Our marriage isn’t perfect, just like every other marriage out there! We don’t have it all figured out, either, folks! But, I am daily thankful for our commitment to each other. So for today, I live in profound gratitude for being here and living this blessed life I’ve still been given!
